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Serious “Raep” Sam HD

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On an impulse I purchased Serious Sam HD off of Steam yesterday, and all I can say is that game loves to watch me squirm.

I’ll admit I’d never played a Serious Sam game before this, but I understood that it was essentially as close as you’ll get to an arcade FPS. Lots of frenetic action, a nonexistent and/or nonsensical story,  and the kind of gameplay that you would expect from a game scientifically designed to get you to feed quarters into it. That is, very hard, and very addictive.

Are you serious enough for this?

The first thing I noticed was that not only does the game keep track of how many enemies I’ve killed, how many secrets I’ve found, and how long it takes me to complete the level, but it has the gall to keep score. Nothing quite like scraping through a level with your health in the single digits, only to have the game make a sour face and tell you that you only found 2 out of 7 secrets, missed half of the enemies, and still took twice as long as the estimated stage completion time.

And on top of all this, the game takes advantage of the most spiteful and underhanded methods of game design to ensure player destruction. Insta-spawning enemies every place except that which is in your field of view? Yes. Closed off narrow corridors with HP-heavy monstrosities at both ends? Yes. Enemies with perfect vision and situational awareness even around corners and from over a kilometer away? Only every single one. Exploding suicide units that can run faster than you? Definitely. Disorienting ambient noises that sound close or identical to the same ones enemies make? Oh yeah. Entire hoards of slavering beasts spawning as soon as you so much as touch the most measly of pickups? You better believe it. Just about the only fair thing in this game is the almost complete lack of reloading, which doesn’t feel quite as fair when you just got killed again because the bullets weren’t leaving your gun fast enough.

Nothing this game offers will make anybody feel like they aren’t being toyed with. It’s sole purpose in this world is to make you cry. It plays dirty, hits hard, and is fucking proud of it.

And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

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Written by PIR

December 1, 2009 at 00:51

Posted in Games

Tagged with , , ,

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