Cartoons are for Kids

this tagline is hilarious

CROSS†CHANNEL is a fetid pile of horse shit

leave a comment »

And I have irrefutable proof.

[21:58] <@Luco_> speaking of things we hate…
[21:58] <@Luco_> I played about halfway through the second repition of cross channel…
[21:59] <@Luco_> it sucks

Luco is a god among men, and anything he deems unfit for human interaction must be so.

Don't be fooled by the pleasant artwork. Only pain and misery follow in its wake.

Don't be fooled by the pleasant artwork. Only pain and misery follow in its wake.

Cross Channel does suck though. BelYaun recommended it in our IRC channel, and luco sucked that shit up like it was Ambrosia. Naturally, I had to play it and prove him otherwise.

Being the Australian he is, it took him much longer to download it than I, so I got the jump on playing it. I knew it was a gleaming well of shittiness after no more than 5 minutes of play, and didn’t neglect to tell everyone as much. Elkin agreed with me, having started playing it before me, while Luco adamantly refused to believe it.

Over the next few days I tried to swallow down that spunk lolipop while reaffirming how horrible it was to everyone. In the end I never finished it, but conversation about it dropped off anyway so it didn’t matter anymore.

Another few days later while talking about something completely unrelated, luco interjects with the above quote, and surely the heavens cried, for the day we both take an indentical stance on anything ever, the end is nigh.

Reasons Cross Channel is less preferable to swallowing molten glass:

  • MC is stupid
  • Every line of dialog is throwaway and forgettable
  • MC is stupid
  • soliloquies on women’s panties is not funny
  • Looping timelines are boring
  • The only likable girl in the story doesn’t even have a path
  • MC is stupid

If you can’t tell, MC ruins te game. He takes Cross channel from simply being an entirely average game to being an agressively horrible game. His monologues are immature and nonsensical, his drama is unable to envoke sympathy, his perverted behavior is beyond what could be considered “tongue in cheek”, he treats women like shit, and is generally a very disagreeable person. This isn’t like spoiled bitch-ass Luke from Tales of the Abyss.

Luke was a spoiled brat with a messiah complex because he was a 7 year-old clone in a 17-year old body that was forbidden from leaving his overly lavish and pimped out manor for 7 years, and when he finally was allowed to leave, he was told he was a savior as foretold in prophecies dating back to the beginning of time.

What is MC’s excuse for making me want to reprogram the game with a “stab myself  in the face” button?

the game is littered with bad design choices, but the two worst problems aside from Mc himself, is the looping world idea, which is executed in a particularly abominable fashion, and that none of the dialog is enjoyable to read with the possible exception of glasses-girl-next-door, who doesn’t even get her own route  (Or so I hear. I’m not curious enough to play through to make sure).

tl;dr It’s shit don’t play it

Advertisements

Written by PIR

September 10, 2009 at 21:28

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: