Cartoons are for Kids

this tagline is hilarious

Press Button, Recieve more Story

leave a comment »

So I guess I sorta played a couple porn visual novels.

This is still something I have a hard time digesting and an even harder time admitting because I didn’t exactly so it for the porn.

In both cases I started playing mainly for the story. In the case of Yume Miru Kusuru I started playing because Luco said the main route was about a frail girl getting bullied (always cool) and I started Wanko to Kurasou because LordPaper said it had a good story about anthropoid dogs, and I LOVE dogs so I was immediately interested. I was disappointed for the most part in both cases but I enjoy being a hardass on porn games because it’s easy.

Yume Miru Kusuru can be summed up like this. There’s this kid. His name is Kouhei Kagami. He’s got some parents and a little side-story sister and he goes to a highschool and it’s got some pretty interesting people there. That’s the end of it, really. There’s some half-assed side-plots thrown in to look deep but are really just there as a plot device to explain the endings, which universally suck.

The characters were interesting even though the only ones that mattered in the slightest were limited to yourself, the girls, and either your sister, a bitch in your class or the gay puff depending on the route. Gay Puff was criminally underutilized. He was my favorite character in the whole damn game and he only makes any sort of relevent appearance in the shittiest of the 3 stories.

As for the routes, well…let’s just say that you’ll want to be looking at the journey and not the goal because the goals blow. Not that this is an issue for most people playing these games.

Aeka’s route had a good story full of abuse, torture and suicide attmpts but managed to completely fuck over the ending with a shitty timeskip and no explanation for anything. It’s comparable to going on a jog through a park. You’re trotting along and feeling pretty good and then as you suddenly fall into a pit trap the shitty neighborhood kids dug and you break your ankle.

Mizuki’s story is stupid but I guess there might be one or two hyper-emotional kids out there that can relate or something. Does get kudos for the really awesome “wtf” roughly halfway through. I lol’d. Ending is much better than Aeka’s I thought but that’s because there isn’t a really super srs event that’s just brushed away like it never happened. Aside from that it’s just as ridiculous and has the same timeskip.

Nekoko’s route is stupid and fail until like, the very end and it’s still not enough to make me feel like I didn’t waste my time. If I had to sum up the entire route in like a sentence it would probably be “Anal sex and funny-looking mushrooms”.

The art was pretty good and it’s a shame it’s almost all porn but I still hunted around for a CG pack anyway. It was surprisingly difficult to find one that didn’t suck balls. I found one other pack too but the images were saved in like40 quality jpg and started getting a rash just looking at them. If a brazillian hentai site can make better CG packs then you it’s time to reevaluate how you should contribute to your local internets. Because I am just so fucking awesome I have a couple links to the pack right here.

As for Wanko, this IRC convo sums up the MC pretty well.

[20:41] <@LordPaper> how many stories have a main character raised in a brothel though?
[20:41] <@Pirate1019> It’s just flimsy reasoning behind his awesomecakes sex ability
[20:42] <@LordPaper> gah, you’re taking it too seriously
[20:42] <@LordPaper> i thought the scenes were well written when i read them
[20:42] <@Pirate1019> pretty much every main guy ever is just as amazing at sex. They just don’t have a reason for it other than because they are MC
[20:42] <@Pirate1019> writing = good. reasoning = pretty flimsy
[20:42] <@LordPaper> i’ve never seen another game where the MC is good at sex
[20:43] <@LordPaper> he just happens to get a girl to have sex with him
[20:43] <@LordPaper> it’s never said he’s amazing at it
[20:43] <@Pirate1019> and they all say “wow you’re the best! you’re cock is the best”
[20:43] <@Pirate1019> “this is the best”
[20:43] <@LordPaper> that’s just pillow talk
[20:43] <@LordPaper> this is different
[20:43] <@Pirate1019> I don’t believe it.
[20:43] <@LordPaper> he’s like “i’m the best, now watch this”
[20:43] <@Pirate1019> try all of the doujins we do as well
[20:43] <@LordPaper> and makes a roomfull of girls orgasm on command
[20:44] <@LordPaper> i’m just saying he is a bit on a different level than the rest
[20:44] <@Pirate1019> but he really doesn’t achieve anything more.
[20:44] <@Pirate1019> they all orgasm just as hard as in ymk
[20:45] <@Pirate1019> he just pokes them a bit more and says shit like “I’m forcing the warmth to your abdomen”
[20:45] <@LordPaper> lol
[20:45] <@LordPaper> that’s true

He’s just amazing at sex and let’s everyone know it. He sexes up virtually everyone in the game no matter what route you choose and nobody seems to care. You’re just “helping the dogs thorugh the mating season” by “relieving them of their heat”.

Story is virtually nonexistant unless you choose the Risa route and it’s only there at the very end. To it’s credit though the 5 minutes of real story is a good 5 minutes and the rest of the game is filled with dialogue that isn’t boring at worst and compelling at best. MC is about as apathetic as main characters get without being labeled emo and he doesn’t pull any of the ridiculous “I love you” bullshit. Sex to him is utterly utilitarian and boring and it’s made all the funnier that way.

As for the routes I believe, but dont’ quote me on it, there are only two routes with mild variations in the routes based on you decisions. The variatons come in choosing which dogs you want to see get fucked by you.

Let’s face it. You are the only male character in the game aside from the one male dog who is too busy masturbating to his master’s underwear to do anythig else. This measn that you have to “satisfy” every animal in the game and you can’t exactly say “No, I will not have sex with you so your heat will go away. I’m going to let you sit there in misery forever because I hate dogs”.

This means lots of sex all of the time and it gets old fast.

The art was really good and the dogs were always adotrable. I am really fond of that clean style with clear lines. It’s way more noticeable in the characer portraits rather than the CG but both look great. Too bad the CG’s porn to non-porn ratio is even more unbalanced than YMK’s CG. Again I have one or two links to the CG pack because I can.

I can’t say for sure if I’ll play any more of these. I’m not sure if my timetable can take the hit. If I do though I’ll probably write another thing slike this because then I can just link this instead of arguing with Luco over it. Again.


Written by PIR

February 10, 2009 at 07:06

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: